A Broken Heart & A Ring No One Paid For : The Final Rose

I love the whole “Live” rose ceremony with the dramatic audience being instructed when to “ooooo” and when to clap. Talk about authentic, huh? Plus, they will evidently use any excuse to bring Chad and his security guard back in to a dicey situation. As for Ben and Lauren from the previous season in the…

And then there were 3 : Week 8 Recap

First off – let me please just announce that before this episode aired, Jojo finally liked one of my tweets. So basically – we are best friends now. #NAMEDROP I’m, like, totally famous. Let’s get back to this rose ceremony on the tarmac though… Guys. There’s nothing funny about this and I really wish there was….

Hometown Hunks: Week 7 Recap

HOMETOWNS!! Or as I like to call it, 2 weeks before sleepover sex eliminations! Let’s woop it up! First off. None of these guys have normal homes or 1 bedroom apartments in a shady part of town. You know, like real life. They all have like 6 acres of land and own chickens and horses…

“I’ll be your goocho”: Week 6 Recap

Date with Alex. Aka Angry Elf (i.e Miles Finch). For someone that just got a date card, he’s awfully pissy.. Jojo: “Are you excited for your road trip straight to the friend zone?” This is like, the worst one on one date ever. Obviously Jojo didn’t want to be bored on the road trip so she’s…

Bachelorette does Evita: Week 5 Recap

Arrr-henn-teeenaaaaa. Argentina. Because Jojo looks smokin’ in red but also we all just want to hear Chris Harrison say “Hola!”. Mission accomplished. Side notes: Chris Harrison only comes traveling when the places are actually cool Surprise – Jojo thinks everything is “crazy” all the time. Every time. Get this girl a thesaurus. Everyone thinks that…

Chad’s Gone. Now What?: Week 4 Recap

The theme of this episode is : SERIOUSLY, THESE GUYS MUST BE INSANELY BORED First they spread the ashes of Chad’s protein powder after throwing a party to celebrate him leaving. I can’t believe Chad even left any powder behind! Isn’t that like his fairy douche dust or something? Then Chad shows up to the house…

“Pigs are in the castle”: Week 3 Part 2 Recap

…..so Chad looks exactly like a shiny roided-out GI Joe. Also, he has decided this is the episode where he will refuse to wear a shirt. And these twine & beaded neckalce mics don’t look good on ANYONE. I’m telling you… pookah shells need to happen. I NEED JOJO’S WARDROBE. PERIOD. Chad apologizes to the…

Someone called security: Week 3 Part 1 Recap

Ew. Why are Chad’s leftover meat plates sitting out and the trees are still teepeed? This isn’t the Jersey Shore. Where’s the maid for this show? I know that Alex, aka mini marine, is the ‘good guy’ here but he’s really starting to annoy me. He’s like the little guy in the crowd jumping up…

Is that kiss count? Yes, yes it is.

I’m not exactly sure why it took me so long to add this. Let’s be honest, Jojo isn’t wasting any time getting her french on with these bros this season. It’s only been 2 episodes and we’ve seen her kiss 6.5 dudes. But also – you go, girl. Because why not? Gotta test out that…

Fire Hoes: Week 2 Recap

What day is it? What time is it? Do the producers let these guys sleep? “Cheers to a beautiful girl and a beautiful life, f–k you guys imma make her my wife” – thus the eloquence of the Chad is upon us. We start with a group date…. “a hot date”. Whomp whomp – so…