Douche-a-saurus Rex is my favorite dinosaur: Week 6 Recap

Rachel twirls around for the camera while the men skip around Geneva like it’s the best place in the world.

All the men: “What a great place to get dumped on national tv!”

Rachel misses the mark in that boxy all white outfit but Eric one ups her with the weird smallest scarf of all time (is that made of fur? Did it shrink in the dryer?”

Side note – no rose ceremony AGAIN this week? How TF am I supposed to keep track of my bracket? This is why I have trust issues.

One on one with Bryan. Rachel starts off strong by picking him up in a Bentley. So basically it’s all downhill from here. Especially when you get back to reality…. but Rachel is going all out for this guy. Don’t worry – he repays her by basically swallowing her face with his mouth. He kisses like people are watching… oh wait ….they are.

I’m not convinced that Rachel buys Bryan a Breitling watch a-la-Corinne and the cashmere jumpsuit she bought Nick. But I’m sure the producers made it look that way. After Rachel spoils the crap out of him, he sucks her face again and then goes off about how #blessed #grateful #fortunate he is…. and I just want to HASHTAG BARF. Between that and Bryan asking Rachel to describe her uniform from private school, I feel like this is some twisted Pretty Woman situation meets soft corn porn.

One on one with Dean. I literally CAN NOT with Dean. What on earth is going on with this guy? He tells Rachel about his emotional baggage (CALLED IT!) and then can’t make it through the awkward pauses or answer a real question about himself thats more than surface level so he resorts to asking her what her favorite dinosaur is. Um…. WHAT? I don’t understand how he gets a rose, but there ya go.

One on one with Peter and the gap. They go dog sledding and learn that the dogs don’t slow down when they have to poop. That just comes out while they run so ya’ll better duck.

Cut to the men in the hotel trying to pretend to talk about whether Peter will be getting a rose. Do they really sit there and talk about this the whole time she is on dates with other dudes? I find that hard to believe.

Anywho, Peter and Rachel dry hump in a pool (so wet hump?) and talk about his baggage…. Why do all these guys have so much baggage? She gives him a rose because Peter is here til the end. Mark my words.

3 on 1 with Eric, Matt, and Adam. Don’t know who Matt or Adam are? Me either. Except Matt was our penguin the first night so other than that, there’s nothing to remember. Looking pretty bleak for these bros. Except Eric because somehow his red flags are popping up for Rachel. She keeps him. She tells Matt that she would have loved to meet him in real life but he’s not as hot as the other guys so he has GTG.

Eric, Dean, Bryan, and Peter are on the way to hometowns. And with all the baggage on this season, I can’t wait to see these train wrecks. My money is on a few racists, an overbearing mom, and maybe a gypsy parent… You watch the sneak previews? Because I think I’m right.

 

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