Nama-not-gonna-stay, Dean: Week 7 Recap

I don’t think these hometowns could have been more painful if they had actually casted it. Like… how on earth did they find these people? This brings me back to the national treasure that is Jojo’s mom..

Eric takes Rachel on a hometown but producers try not to pan out far enough that you can see the dollar stores and check cashing locations on every corner. They go and play basketball with a ‘friend’ that Eric paid to quote 8 Mile and talk about how smart Eric is. But we all saw the spelling bee so.. I mean.. is this relative? Is there a curve in Baltimore or are the standards just super low?

Anyone else notice how Rachel’s diction and attitude shift to her alter ego when she’s with Eric but not with the other guys? I’ll just leave that right there…

Eric’s family loves her and obviously prepped with blow outs, nail appts, and a whole lot of sequins. So they were READY AF. Eric’s dad pep talks him and he promises this is IT. Well, we shall see, broseph. Moving on..

Bryan’s hometown takes us to Miami. Rule #1 of dating – Don’t date a guy from/living in Miami. That is all.

Duh he is charming, I guarantee he Cassanova’s his cute butt all around town and is probably carrying Zika anyway. I don’t like Bryan. I’m just going to say what everyone is thinking. He’s a f–kboy and we all know it. I also feel like he’s one clean shave away from being a background dancer in the Gaston bar scene of Beauty and the Beast. It’s exactly as “meh” as it sounds.

Bryan’s mom still breastfeeds him. Just saying. Also, she makes sure to insult his haircut and his weight ASAP to make sure she keeps the Stockholm syndrome intact from his childhood. She also reminds him that he can get that Miami bootay any day he wants so why does he want Rachel?


Basically she is a walking talking red flag.

Hometown with Peter. He showcases his ethnically diverse friends at a bar and I’m getting flashes to an inclusive episode of How I Met Your Mother.

Peter’s mom’s haircut is indicative of a midwest mom. That is all. Moving on..

Dean’s hometown. Oh, Dean. WOW. The only thing I can think of is “how on EARTH did they convince him this is a good idea?” He’s already socially awkward enough (dinosaurs). But TV show or not, I’m not entirely sure hashing this damage out on National Television was a good idea for anyone. You thought it was bad before? Put on a helmet, little Dean.. because it’s going to be a hell of another 10 years.

Where is this shack in the middle of nowhere that houses a hippie cult? No disrespect though.. I mean.. I can totally respect his choice to become a shiek. Sheek? Shic? So chic. Whatever. I mean.. Namaste, father Dean. But all pillows and no chairs? I would never wake up… And mung bean? Hard pass.

Poor Dad pulls at my heart strings when he pulls the plug. I feel bad for him but not as bad as I do for Dean as he hides in the pillows trying to figure out how to get the heck out of that house without the cameras. I would run too, kiddo.

She tells him she is falling in love with him… but guess what – Dean goes home. Geez. Dean can’t catch a break.

Bachelor material? Nah. But maybe?

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