Bachelor Ben: Week 9 Recap

Jamaica!! YAY!
SANDALS!? MEH.

Could you have picked a whiter way to do Jamaica, ABC? It’s time for overnight dates, ya’ll. To be slutty or not to be slutty. Now, that is the real question. But not really bc they all say yes. Because Fantasy Suite, duh.

jamaica

Overnight with Caila. They float down the river in complete silence on a pile of bamboo sticks. Ben: “She’s melancholy. Not cool”. Weren’t you JUST complaining that she’s not sadder? You TRIED to make her cry but now you want her happy again? “What do you mean you don’t like that there are 2 other girls? Don’t ruin Jamaica for me, C”. She tells him she loves him..”Um thank you?”. Just kidding. He literally says nothing. Then they go to the fantasy suite for some casual sex and head their separate ways in the am. Caila: “he told me he loves me with his eyes. I know it’s going to be him and I in the end”. 1- Okay, Olivia. 2- this poor girl is not good at casual sex.

Overnight with Lauren B. Can we just call her Lauren now? Or Mrs. Higgins? Not to pick favorites but he’s obsessed with her. Her clothes are infant sized even on her tiny body for this date. We get it, you’re like so super like beachy, LB. They head to a private beach to help set baby sea turtles free and it’s so adorable I want to barf. “Lauren and I are helping sea turtles survive and that’s a very important thing”. Stop. She tells him she loves him while wearing an outfit that I need ASAP. AND HE SAYS IT BACK!!! What a rebel. What a rule breaker. “I love you” “I like totally love you” “No but I like really love you” “OMG we love love!”. Can we just skip to the finale now? She spends the night of course. These girls look perfect in the morning, gross.

squirt

Jojo. Waterfalls and pretty much any excuse to get Jojo in a bikini. We get it, she’s perfect. She says she needs his “words of affirmation”. I read the 5 Love Languages too, girl! Twinsies! She tells him she loves him and he says it BACK TO HER TOO. “Don’t worry, it’s no biggie – I said it to LB this morning, too.” Think he’s over this “unloveable” crap yet? They finally discuss her awkward AF family time and creepster brothers before they head to the Fantasy Suite. “Romeo & Juliet Villa”!? Real original, Sandals. Did his mom pack that overnight backpack for him? Aww. “Prophylactics are in the side pocket, sweetie – Love, mom”.

eyeroll

Caila forgets that the girls that surprise him ALWAYS go home. Haven’t you watched this show before, C!? Now his eyes are just saying “GTFO”. Buh bye, Caila.

crazy

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