Chris Harrison: The Man, the Myth, the Legend

I just want to take a moment to recognize the beauty and majesty of the man, the myth, the legend….

Mr. Chris Harrison.

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He’s been hosting The Bachelor since 2002 and he’s become like a brother to all of us in the Bachelor Nation. I mean, like a strangely hot brother that’s not blood related…. so, wait…

Nevermind. Not a brother. That got weird, sorry.

He is the ULTIMATE bachelor, ammiright? The fact that they have obviously not offered this guy enough money to actually BE the bachelor on the show is nuts to me. Either that or he is too smart to engage in the actual part of having to wade through the drama and pretend it’s not all ridiculous.

what

But, ya’ll… he is EVERYTHING for this show. I would not watch without him. He is the king of the dramatic pause….his entry mostly always means a significant turn of events, death, medical emergency, cheating scandal, or, in my favorite case…. staffers having sexual relationships with the contestants. Oh man, that one was my favorite.

staffers

I heard a rumor once that he had a crush on Emily during her season. I can only dream about such an insanely magical union.

And I hear he might… RETIRE SOON. MY HEART, MY HEART! Don’t do it, CH! I can’t live my reality tv life without you! Who will do bloopers with mini horses, or give poker faces to the crazy girls when we can all tell you are silently judging them and questioning your life choices???

Do you think he goes home and cries about how he’s been doing this show for 14 years in a big pile of money, wiping his tears with hundred dollar bills? Or maybe more like Scrooge McDuck in a pile of gold coins? Don’t cry, CH… I’ll hold you and wipe those tears, my prince.

mcduck

 

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