Bachelor in paradise week 3: erectile dysfunctional love

Obviously the suspense was killing us all week waiting to see if Amanda can surgically remove her tongue from Josh’s mouth and fall head over heels for ‘ED Evan’ (erectile dysfunction Evan, if you will). He takes her to a tree house and tells her he wants to see if they have a real connection….

Bachelor in Paradise week 2 : poor Carly

So Chad has left us, AGAIN. Suddenly Lace is far less interesting except for the fact that her eye lash extensions have gone rogue. Lace at the hairdresser: “I’m thinking ‘ratchet’ but like also classy” Hairdresser: “I got this. Someone hand me a blowtorch!” Leah joins us in Paradise and nobody in the audience knows…

Bachelor in paradise week 1: the land of misfit toys

  What…the…actual…F It’s like the land of misfit toys but with humans and actual emotions. Better yet, it’s like the Hunger Games because if you don’t get picked, you are basically dead as a reality tv star. This is very possibly the most amazing thing I have ever seen. In the history of television, there…

A Broken Heart & A Ring No One Paid For : The Final Rose

I love the whole “Live” rose ceremony with the dramatic audience being instructed when to “ooooo” and when to clap. Talk about authentic, huh? Plus, they will evidently use any excuse to bring Chad and his security guard back in to a dicey situation. As for Ben and Lauren from the previous season in the…

And then there were 3 : Week 8 Recap

First off – let me please just announce that before this episode aired, Jojo finally liked one of my tweets. So basically – we are best friends now. #NAMEDROP I’m, like, totally famous. Let’s get back to this rose ceremony on the tarmac though… Guys. There’s nothing funny about this and I really wish there was….

Hometown Hunks: Week 7 Recap

HOMETOWNS!! Or as I like to call it, 2 weeks before sleepover sex eliminations! Let’s woop it up! First off. None of these guys have normal homes or 1 bedroom apartments in a shady part of town. You know, like real life. They all have like 6 acres of land and own chickens and horses…

“I’ll be your goocho”: Week 6 Recap

Date with Alex. Aka Angry Elf (i.e Miles Finch). For someone that just got a date card, he’s awfully pissy.. Jojo: “Are you excited for your road trip straight to the friend zone?” This is like, the worst one on one date ever. Obviously Jojo didn’t want to be bored on the road trip so she’s…

BIP Spoilers: Feeling pretty 80/40

First off – I know you have missed me with there not being a show this week. How dare they celebrate the 4th of July? What is this? 1776? Guys. The rumors about this season of Bachelor in Paradise are getting out of control. I’m getting super excited for this train wreck to begin. Something…

Bachelorette does Evita: Week 5 Recap

Arrr-henn-teeenaaaaa. Argentina. Because Jojo looks smokin’ in red but also we all just want to hear Chris Harrison say “Hola!”. Mission accomplished. Side notes: Chris Harrison only comes traveling when the places are actually cool Surprise – Jojo thinks everything is “crazy” all the time. Every time. Get this girl a thesaurus. Everyone thinks that…

Chad’s Gone. Now What?: Week 4 Recap

The theme of this episode is : SERIOUSLY, THESE GUYS MUST BE INSANELY BORED First they spread the ashes of Chad’s protein powder after throwing a party to celebrate him leaving. I can’t believe Chad even left any powder behind! Isn’t that like his fairy douche dust or something? Then Chad shows up to the house…