Nama-not-gonna-stay, Dean: Week 7 Recap

I don’t think these hometowns could have been more painful if they had actually casted it. Like… how on earth did they find these people? This brings me back to the national treasure that is Jojo’s mom.. Eric takes Rachel on a hometown but producers try not to pan out far enough that you can…

Douche-a-saurus Rex is my favorite dinosaur: Week 6 Recap

Rachel twirls around for the camera while the men skip around Geneva like it’s the best place in the world. All the men: “What a great place to get dumped on national tv!” Rachel misses the mark in that boxy all white outfit but Eric one ups her with the weird smallest scarf of all…

Double the recap, double the fun: Week 5 Recap

Serial killer Jack Stone gets a one on one? What a waste. Honestly, does this guy know how to look at anyone without having his chin to the ground and using only the top 1/3 of his eyeballs to make contact? Do you think it would write cryptic love notes in blood and using newspaper…

BIP is Back & WTF is a Physde, Eric? : Week 4 Recap

First and foremost, I spoke too soon about the RIP of BIP. Turns out the investigation is over and Corrine is looking more and more like a BF liar. YIKES. I’m not a fan of Demari-NO but it looks like he’s in the clear. Filming is restarting but Corrine is not invited. But is no…

RIP BIP & the shirtless episode: Week 3 Recap

Wait.. wait… waiiiitttttt. We can’t start without discussing the s–t storm that is BIP. Or, as I shall now refer to it – RIP BIP because that ship has sailed off the coast of Sayulita; never to be heard of or seen again. Turns out Corrine and Demari-NO were set up on a story line…

The Bachelorette Begins: It’s All V Necks and Down Hill From Here

HOLY CANNOLI it’s finally time. Time again to watch a smart, beautiful, sophisticated woman hopefully not disappoint us all by picking a douche bag in a v neck t shirt with a headshot that would make Glamour Shots proud. But honestly, please see exhibits 1-6 below and note the use of the High School Portrait…

Corrine’s guide to not shoveling poopie: Weeks 4 & 5 Recaps

So I’m grouping together weeks 4 and 5 for this recap. Why? Because I’m busy – back off. But also – because it’s been boring AF and every time I go to write it, I fall asleep on the keyboard. Sort of a snoozefest this season, don’t ya think? Let’s just try and get through…

That’s dolphinately a shark costume: Week 1 Recap

The moment we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived!┬áNick V is like the RA in the Bachelor Nation dorm – the Van Wilder of the franchise – the long lost son of Chris Harrison. And he’s back, for the 27347 time to try and find love. This is it. No really…this is it –…

Bachelor in paradise week 5: let’s taco-bout it

We come back to paradise to watch the end of Caila giving Ashley I a passive aggressive, swift kick to the nuts. She tells Ashley that Jared loves her like a sister. And this isn’t Kentucky so basically, time to move on. Ashley I prays to her dead dog that “some guy” will come to…

Bachelor in paradise week 4: I love lamp?

Ashley is the best part of any show that’s ever been televised. This girl deserves a Olympic medal for her persistence. New sport – triathlon of tears. She can be the Usain Bolt of Bachelor in Paradise. Jared: “I never want to be with you” Ashley: “Like EVER EVER or like maybe sometime never but…